Barack is the New Black

Dear Tinkerbell,

And now for my in-depth and highly intellectual discussion on Barack Obama during which I will weigh the pros and cons of his campaign with a fair and unbiased eye.

Oprah loves him. Scarlett Johnasson is engaged to him. Will.i.am made a Barack tribute music video packed to the brim with celebs.

And now he’s got the rest of them wrapped around his little finger. I’ve been trying to get Spielberg to throw me a party for years (to no avail) but all Hollywood’s new political golden boy had to do was smile and the invites were dispatched. Spielberg, Katzenberg and Geffen got together at threw a $2,300-a-head cocktail party at the Beverly Hilton in his honor. There were tons of people there…George Clooney, Eddie Murphy and Barbra Streisand, Ron Howard, Morgan Freeman, Jackson Browne, Jennifer Aniston, Natalie Maines, Ben Stiller, J.J. Abrams…to name a few.

So there you have it. I’m voting for Obama. Hollywood has spoken.

Barack is the new black, bitches.

Celebrity Injustice

Dear Tinkerbell,

Ugh. My poor brother. I feel so badly for him!!! Yet another celebrity to fall victim to the law. Haven't they handed out enough DUIs? Must they continue to persecute us?

You know what we need??? We need a president that will exonerate criminals base on celebrity status. Celebrities are an oft overlooked minority group who, despite all we give to the community, are often treated as...shudder...regular people! It's a travesty! An total injustice. It is our right, as celebrities, to receive special treatment. I will not stand for this any longer! Maybe I'll take a page out of Obama's book...YES WE CAN (RECEIVE SPECIAL TREATMENT)! Yes we can.

I need a cocktail. And a car.

She`s Gonna Make America Her Bitch

Dear Tinkerbell,

As promised, I am going to give an educated and insightful discussion on each of the democratic candidates. Syke. I'm only going to talk about Hillary and Obama because, according to the polls, they're so hot right now. And I may talk about Edwards but only because he has that hot southern drawl.

Today's candidate is: Hillary.

Hot: She's a woman and the sisterhood needs to stick together (unless she's scamming on my boyfriend at Hyde, cause then the bitch better run).

Not Hot: Her stylist. Ew. Why does she always look like she's been reupholstered? Put down the pantsuit, bitch!

Her first order of business as President should be pack her ass and our tax dollars into Airforce One and hit up fashion week.

Hot: Her husband felt me up at a White House fundraiser when I was 19.

Not Hot: She freaked out about it.

Hot: She's related to George Clinton of the Parliament Funkadelics and it would be smart to have close ties with Britain's Parliament.

Not Hot: Her hair. I'm over the lesbian thing.

Hot: She likes to slam Bush. Yeah...that's right...I just got my double entendre on.

Not Hot: Mr. and Mrs. President sounds so gay.

Hot:

Anyway, it would be pretty sweet to have a woman as president so she can make some much needed changes around this dump. Add a feminine touch, ya know? Off the top of my head, she could make the FDA approve illegal diet pills and over-the-counter Botox (she would benefit there too). Maybe install tanning booths at every highway reststop so you can get your base on the way to the beach. Style incentives produced by taxing the purchase of ugly clothing only. Hell, tax ugly people, for that matter...they've taxed us long enough.

There are my thoughts on Hillary. Eat it up, bitches.



PS -

(NOT HOT)