Hot and Spicy

Dear Tinkerbell,

Beauty pageants are so much more fun than they used to be! I think the whole business started to improve last year when Miss USA, Tara Conner, was dethroned for underage drinking and blow-use and was then sent off to rehab (which, incidentally, may have sparked the entire 2006/2007 rehab trend). Like most public spectacles, it really wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean, what teenage girl doesn’t drink and do coke? Hell, I was doing jägerbombs and snorting lines off Nikki’s Barbie dolls when I was in the fourth grade.

And then, earlier this year, Miss Teen South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton, was ridiculed for months after vocalizing her concern for the poor, ignorant, "mapless" people in our great nation (as well as others, from the sound of it).

I actually don’t know why people were so hard on her. Her answer makes sense to me…how can you locate America on a map if you don’t have a map? Hello?!? Ugh…the poor girl...I think AC Slater was even laughing at her. Speaking of which, I wonder what AC Slater was doing there…

Anyway…and now, the latest in the series of scandelicious beauty pageant incidences that have captured what remains of my attention deficit…during the Miss Puerto Rico pageant, contestant Ingrid Marie Rivera applied her makeup and put on her gown only to find out that it had been laced with pepper spray!! Hahahaha! She had to strut her stuff, answer questions and shake her ass in front of everyone all while itchy, swollen and covered in hives! And then, if this isn’t all bad enough, someone stole her purse while she was on stage! HAHAHAHA!

For those with PhotoCrank.

For the haters that don't.

I guess they like ‘em hot and spicy down there because, and this is totally unbelievable, SHE WON! Our peppery Puerto Rican went from a sweaty, itchy, bloated, rash-enveloped pageant hopeful to the new sweaty, itchy, bloated, rash-enveloped Miss Puerto Rico!

Hahaha…when did pageants become so fun? I would have kept at ‘em if I had known you could pull shizz like this!