The Fight against Salad Dodgers

Dear Tinkerbell,

EW!! Being fat is contagious!! I freakin’ knew it! I can’t believe it has taken this long for everyone else to figure out what I have known for years. When I told Britney Spears that she was going to have to drop an Olsen if she wanted to keep hanging out with me, she yelled something about Cheetos, hit me with an umbrella and then took off in a full sprint. But hello?!?! I don’t want that rubbing off on me! Smokers understand that nonsmokers don’t want to be exposed to second-hand smoke…it’s the same thing! And now, even though I have been saying all of this since the second grade, a bunch of university nerds publish one little article and they’ve got the whole world’s attention…and I bet none of them have been hit with an umbrella because of it.

So, apparently obesity, officially defined as one having entirely too much junk in one’s trunk, is contagious and can thereby spread from person to person! Now, I have not yet read exactly HOW it is contagious. I mean, I can’t figure out if it’s contagious like the flu or if it’s contagious like herpes. Let’s just hope it’s not contagious like the flu because if I can get fat just by breathing around the bodily-challenged, you can bet your fat ass that I will be the first in line for 50 cases of SARs masks.

For those with PhotoCrank.

For the haters that don't.

And I guess it works, like, vice versa or whatever because Nicole Ritchie was a total cow until we did Simple Life together. I guess my skinny hotness rubbed off on her and she lost the weight but now that we don’t hang out anymore, she got all fat again.



Gross.


Paris
xoxo