Gotcha, Bitches

Dear Tinkerbell,

I'm so hot. So are you...sometimes...except when you're licking your cooch. But I guess some people may think that's hot...they do when I do it. Ugh. I can't trust anyone these days. You are the only one I can talk to anymore. You, like, totally get me. Anyway, can you believe the fast one I pulled? All those ugly, poor losers actually think I'm, like, reading the bible and saving the environment! Ha! Thank god for fake Paris! Next year, while she's over in Rawanda swatting flies off babies, I'll been getting my grind on, topless at Hyde. Eat that, bitches. Pinkie swear not to tell anyone!

For those with PhotoCrank.

For the haters that don't.

Ew...so, you totally missed out on seeing Britney the other night because you were trapped under my diaphragm at the bottom of my Vuitton...and believe me, you missed out! She is SUCH a trainwreck. Ew...one of her extensions fell into my appletini at Le Deux. Gross. I nearly threw up last Tuesday's saltine.

Anyway, you know how we were talking about how I need to, like, be more political? Well, in my effort to do so, I started watching the Daily Show. He is SO funny! I never knew news could be hot! So, I think I'm going to vote for Hilary...oh shit...how do you vote? Do I just tell someone? Anyway, I was thinking, like, if we had a woman running this place, we'd probs have a lot less war because we'd just, like, talk about the bitchy countries behind their back and spread rumors about them. I'd vote for a hotter flag too...don't they know what horizontal stripes do to the figure??? Ugh! No wonder everyone thinks America's overweight! Anyway, that's it for now. I have to go untie the pool boy. Let's plan on hitting Hyde in in a half hour.


Paris
xoxo


PS - How great was my costume at LAX last night??? HAHAHAHAHA

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For the haters that don't.